Exploring the Grand Canyon and Yosemite Valley: My Journey of Self-Discovery

The Grand Canyon, a little below the rim. Photo by Guy Podjarny

The Vastness of the Landscape

One of the strongest experiences I had during my trip to the West US was the sheer scale of everything. There’s a remarkable sense that cars, roads, and sprawling cities expand to fit the vast American landscape. The size of the scenery can be overwhelming.

This realization struck me most powerfully at two locations: the rim of the Grand Canyon and the Tunnel Viewpoint at Yosemite Valley. The images from these spots are famous worldwide, yet standing there felt different. I was overcome with a sense of my own insignificance compared to the grand landscape surrounding me. The experience of being present in those moments is worth more than any photograph; it is what I call an "embodied encounter."

Tunnel View, Yosemite Valley. Photo by Guy Podjarny

Immersed in Nature

Like renowned nature writer Lucy Lippard, I wasn’t thinking about my insignificance while I enjoyed those views. Whether I was hiking in the Grand Canyon or watching climbers on El Capitan, my thoughts were practical. I focused on reaching the trail's end or spotting the colors against the sheer cliff faces.

Yet, I was acutely aware that I was experiencing something profound. I tried to absorb as many sensory details as possible: the feel of rough Canyon layers under my fingers, the scent of pine sap, and the differences between Ponderosa and Sugar Pines. Each detail felt significant but would require reflection later.

The Tidal Wave of Reflection

When I returned home, I revisited my notes, and that’s when it hit me—an existential crisis crashed into me like a tidal wave. To be fair, I’ve faced such crises since I was six years old. However, this one felt especially intense. For days, I felt that nothing anyone could say expressed any real meaning compared to the vastness of our planet—a mere speck in the larger universe. I needed to find meaning.

It took time and self-care, using tools gathered from years of therapy, to accept my feelings and gradually find a path forward.

Revisiting Writers' Insights

During these reflective days, I leaned on previous writers’ thoughts. Many describe experiencing an existential crisis or a sense of self-dissolution when confronted with nature's vastness. This phenomenon is well-noted in discussions about "the sublime" in philosophical and romantic literature. Clearly, I am not alone in these feelings.

Despite this commonality, the words of others are not why I began blogging or writing. I often feel unsure of my perception. I find it hard to articulate the silent, powerful forces of nature. Why am I here? I keep trying to rationalize the experience. Is our attempt to tame nature a way to conquer this unsettling feeling of insignificance? Is the American Project essentially about subduing the continent's vastness into manageable landscapes?

Acknowledging our Limitations

These notions have been explored by far more eloquent writers before me. Through years of hiking, it became evident that attempts to tame nature are ultimately futile. Instead, we often exploit it, erasing its beauty and endangering our survival. I refuse to continue down this line of thinking. After days filled with angst, I decided to sit with my emotions instead.

The Challenge of Sitting with Feelings

Initially, simply sitting with my feelings brought no insights. I reached a point of acceptance with the thought, “I can’t control the meaning. I can only control my actions.” Yet, the realization remains that I am insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

This experience reminded me of the story of a boy tossing starfish back into the ocean, one by one. An older man questioned the boy's efforts, saying the beach was full of starfish, and his actions made little difference. The boy replied, “It made a difference for that one.” This raises an important question: am I comfortable making a difference for just one person? I’m not sure.

Finding Meaning in Daily Actions

For now, I choose to focus on what I can control. I can prepare nutritious meals for my family. I can tidy my desk and light a soothing pine-scented candle. I can write this blog post about my travels. These small acts offer me a sense of purpose and connection.

Despite the overwhelming feelings of insignificance that sometimes wash over me, I’m learning to navigate through them. Nature may be vast, but my experiences deepen my understanding of myself and my place in the world. I am learning to embrace these moments, one step at a time.

In moments of stillness, perhaps we can find meaning in the everyday choices we make. These small actions are what connect us to the larger tapestry of life.