A Letter to My Daughter on Her Fourteenth Birthday

galpod
Jun 12
3 min read

Not the cake I made for the party, but maybe next year?

My love,

My, how you’ve grown this year. I was talking about you the other day, and I almost said you were a young woman. I know you would be annoyed with me for saying that, but you’re not quite there yet. Don’t rush it. You have your whole life to be a woman.

I realised this year that you are so much more thoughtful, more sophisticated, and more worldly than I was at your age. Sure, I grew up in a village in the middle of nowhere, and you’re growing up in London, but it always comes as a shock to me. You understand things that I’m sure I didn’t when I was your age. Things I’m not even sure I understood until recently, like how to be a woman in a patriarchal society, how to enjoy friendship, how to care for people halfway across the globe without losing yourself.

This year has been tough. The studio you’ve been dancing with since you were six closed down abruptly, and it took a while for everyone to recover from the shock and settle into new routines. I’m actually glad that you had to go through this. I think it taught you that being a dancer is more than which studio you’re dancing with; it’s who you are. It was rough, but I think you handled it beautifully and, dare I say, even enjoyed the space that dancing with new teachers provided you—space to grow into being your own dancer.

Starting middle school hasn’t been easy either. For someone who doesn’t like transitions, having to change the classroom, the teacher, and the students around you every 45 minutes posed a real challenge. But you figured it out like you do everything else: with a maturity that belies your age. It’s still not easy, but you've sorted out your toolbox, and I think you're settling into middle school.

On the social front, things have also settled down somewhat. You have good friends who value you for who you are, and you love them for their talents, quirks and flaws. It’s great to see you really take pleasure in friendship. Cherish it. Friends are priceless. Sure, we’re heading into some turbulent social waters as you navigate love life, but one thing I learned is that if you have a good, secure base to come back to, you can explore any new waters or lands that come your way.

One thing that I can’t thank you enough for is your unwavering support of my creative career. Sometimes, I wonder what you think about this tradeoff you got without having a say in it. Instead of a “normal” mum, you got a writer mum. Sometimes, I wonder whether you would prefer to just be like everyone else. Most times, I know you wouldn’t.

This year, I wish for you to slow down. Don’t rush to be a grownup. Give yourself time to be a child. Luxuriate in the time you still have. Trust me, being a grownup ain’t all it’s cranked up to be.

For convenience: a list of all previous letters.